I’m not maternal.  Some people go around cooing at babies, smelling their little noggins and volunteering to change diapers.  This behavior confuses me.  If you put me in a room with a baby on one side and a dog on the other, provided said infant is not in any immediate danger, I’ll go for the dog every time.  Dogs will never ask to borrow the car, they’ll never bring home bad grades in school and require grounding (which, let’s face it, is really punishment on the parent), will never require college tuition, etc, etc.  Other than the occasional $800 surgery to remove cysts from their eyelids (thanks Madison!) dogs are fairly low maintenance.

The drunken pirate, hours after her “eye lift”

Toddlers – I sort of get.  Provided they’re in a good mood and housebroken.  They’re more like “little people” with actual personalties and quirks.  However, when they’ve had enough and throw a tantrum, I immediately tune out and hand said squealing entity back to the uterus from whence it came.

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