So for work we had to do these bios for our website when it was revamped a while back. We were specifically told to give it some “personal touches;” i.e. relate hobbies and shit we enjoy. Mine says something stupid about living in New Orleans and gardening. I can’t remember the last time I gardened. But whatever. Like a potential client would ding me for lying about my love of gardening.

So anyway, I think the next time I have to do something stupid like relate my personal interests in a business setting I’m going to write something along the lines of the following: “In her free time, Mary enjoys paragliding, falconry, and paragliding while falconrying. Or is it falconing? She also enjoys organizing Hell. Just FYI, most of you assholes (you know who you are) will be sitting on lava piles for all eternity. ENJOY!”