I hate meeting new people. Basically, because I hate that awkward small talk that is required by society when getting to know someone. I’m also awkward in social settings (especially those involving new people) unless I’ve been drinking. And even then, I suspect I am still awkward but I just don’t realize or care because I am drunk.

As only one example of my social awkwardness…on occasions too numerous to count I have done the following: See person, recognize person, delightfully say “HELLO!” to and smile at person before brain has chance to process the fact that the person I have just delightfully said hello to and smiled at broadly is someone I dislike. Intensely.

This person usually knows of my intense dislike of them and thus, is confused as to why I have apparently just delighted in their sighting.

My only hope is that they somehow think that I am mind-fucking them. If only I were truly that diabolical. Oh the places I could go.