Category: Fiction Friday

Heather can’t read well.

That is a serious prob.

You should fix that shit.

Emily is hard.

Your name has three syllables.

Get a shorter name.

MaryNeff Newsom

Has really excellent taste.

It’s sort of not fair.

Ruth, what can I say?

You live really far away.

You should move closer.

HEY! That totally rhymes! Anyway, here’s another haiku for you…

Dear Adrianne Bugg.

You have adorable kids.

I still don’t want one.

Fiction Friday

He stood at the corner near the park. Waiting.

She was ten minutes late. She’d never been late before.

He looked at his watch again and let out a sigh. He knew she wasn’t coming, but something held him to that corner. A thought, that if he left he’d have to accept that it was really over. He remembered when they first met.

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So last night I had some trouble sleeping and, as a change in my usual pattern, which usually involves thinking about all the ways I probably have committed legal malpractice, I came up with a story line idea for one of my all-time favorite TV shows – 30 Rock.

Now I just need you people to make this shit go viral so I can be swept away and paid millions of dollars by NBC – I’ll totally make it worth your while; i.e. I will repay you in booze.

So here’s my idea:  We open on Liz and Jack in Jack’s office.  Jack’s TV is tuned to a news channel showing footage of the various protests / revolutions that have been going on in the Middle East.  Liz turns to Jack and says, “You know, all of these protests are making me want to go to D.C. and call for someone’s ouster.”  Jack retorts, “Right, because you’re such a joiner.”

Liz gets offended and says, “What? I could be political and crap.”

Jack: “Lemon, I might actually be worried about your liberal commie politics if I wasn’t sure you’d give up after learning that protests aren’t all about eating doughnuts and throwing rotten organic vegetables at people.”

Cut to Lemon on the sidewalk outside of her apartment building, she’s walking to the bodega on the corner where she purchases her disgusting mexican cheese puffs. She is clearly well-known to the clerk working the counter. While checking out, Lemon learns that the bodega will be closing and soon replaced with some kind of “big box” store. Lemon is outraged as the bodega is the only place she can buy her cheese puffs.

The remainder of the episode involves the hi-jinks of Liz Lemon trying to organize a protest of the big box store – maybe the writers are forced to participate in some way. I don’t know – I didn’t flesh that part out too much, but I believe it has the makings of comedy gold – Lemon attempting to make posters, Frank has a special hat made for the protest that says something clever, thought up by someone smarter than I, etc.

At the end of everything, Liz learns that said big box store will be selling her cheese puffs and she suddenly doesn’t give a shit about the tiny bodega closing.



**ONE STAR?!?!  Who’s the fucker who only gave this brilliance ONE STAR?!? I shall find you, friend, and when I do…I probably won’t say a god damn thing because I abhor conflict. DAMNIT.

Fiction Friday

I often write short stories in my head.  This usually occurs at night when I’m trying to sleep and instead my brain tells me to go f*ck myself because it still has some thinkin’ to do.  I figured I could write them up and post them here and open myself up to criticism and disdain.

What can I say?  I’m a lawyer and I need a hobby that doesn’t involve systematically destroying my liver.  If you want to read, hit the jump.  Otherwise, feel free to ignore my random shit.

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