Category: Random Musings



So you know how sometimes when you’re driving along on the interstate, the median between the roadways will be all forested and crap?

That’d be a good place to hide a body.

I mean, think about it. No one ever walks that area. Sure, there’s the occasional chain-gang or something picking up trash. But a foul smell would be attributed to road kill; not that bastard upstairs neighbor who brought home a rooster.

I’m just sayin’. So maybe don’t piss me off.

Happy Thanksgiving, my peeps!!!

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Happy now? And yes, I’m aware that I need a manicure.

As for the DRW. I think you know this one already…take one bottle of wine…add straw…drink.

Love you! Mean it!


Soooo…uh…my fridge smells. Like really badly. I’m not sure what it is, but I AM fairly sure I’m not going to do anything about it.

At least not now. And probably not tomorrow because I’ll probably be hungover. And probably not Sunday because I have plans. And then the work week starts all over again and I can think of at least three dozen things I’d rather do after work than clean a fridge.

Soooooooo…there’s that.

Happy Friday, Fuckers.


I often see people on the street and think, “HEY! THAT’S MY FRIEND!”

And then I look more closely and realize that same person is heinously ugly. And thus, entirely NOT the person who I thought they were.

This in turn makes me feel as though I should apologize to my friend because apparently my subconscious thinks he or she is an ugly person. Which can’t be true since I don’t have ugly friends.


Or hate me. But don’t unfriend me on Facebook. I think we all know how well that goes…

It’s just, I don’t get the hoopla surrounding that book Fifty Shades of Grey. I mean, it’s nothing more than poorly written fan fic based upon the Twilight series (another pile of garbage I will never understand). Go check out 50 Shades of Suck if you don’t believe me about the poor writing. Now, it’s not like I require Dickensian writing in all of my books; but if it can’t find a coherent plot (or sentence) with two hands and a flashlight then we should all just move along while someone sets all of the copies on fire.

My theory is that people with ordinary lives like to believe themselves to be “edgy.” So it’s similar to when books like Madame Bovary, The Grapes of Wrath and Slaughterhouse-Five came out. Those publications were widely derided as nothing but obscene trash – like Fifty Shades of Grey. Only, unlike Madame Bovary, The Grapes of Wrath and Slaughterhouse-Five – Fifty Shades of Grey is epically bad and it is only the subject matter that is titillating. Thus, while it may make people feel “edgy” it is certainly not a novel that will withstand the test of time.

Ultimately, it’s just sex, peeps. It happens all the damn time. I assure you, someone is doing it right now. Maybe even while reading this blog. Except probably not. Though I guess that might be very masochistic of them. SEE WHAT I DID THERE?

 


I hate meeting new people. Basically, because I hate that awkward small talk that is required by society when getting to know someone. I’m also awkward in social settings (especially those involving new people) unless I’ve been drinking. And even then, I suspect I am still awkward but I just don’t realize or care because I am drunk.

As only one example of my social awkwardness…on occasions too numerous to count I have done the following: See person, recognize person, delightfully say “HELLO!” to and smile at person before brain has chance to process the fact that the person I have just delightfully said hello to and smiled at broadly is someone I dislike. Intensely.

This person usually knows of my intense dislike of them and thus, is confused as to why I have apparently just delighted in their sighting.

My only hope is that they somehow think that I am mind-fucking them. If only I were truly that diabolical. Oh the places I could go.

 


I have suffered from post nasal drip for three weeks now. Last week, my house was struck by lightning and fried a bunch of shit. Today, I am stuck in a CLE with an old dude who has been clearing his throat, hacking or coughing every thirty damn seconds.

Is this what being smited feels like?


There’s something a little ridiculous about watching a woman tottering into work while wearing enormous platform heels.

I Is Famous


It’s not QUITE like that time that Maker’s Mark was AWESOME-SAUCE and linked to my blog from their FB page and sent me about 1,500 page hits and freaked me the F out for a moment; but it’s delightful nonetheless!

My friend over at The Stimson Chronicles hath nominated me for one of these:

Cameron is one of those peeps raising two lil’uns but who still finds time to blog, re-organize her pantry and is slowly but surely making her new house into a home. Thanks, dude! And keep up the good work!

In return for granting me my new-found rock star status, I shall pass along the good will to the following:

MaryNeff over at A Charming Day – her design ideas are, of course, amazeballs and inspiring to me.

Elizabeth over at Southern Blossoms – I’ve never met Elizabeth, but she seems like one of those true Southern Belles who I’ve always envied for their sense of style and grace.

Ruth at This G.R.I.T.S. Tale – Ruth is another one of those Southern girls who actually cooks. Unlike me. And it always looks delightful. Unlike me.

Please go check out these ladies – I mean, it’s Thurday…which is practically Friday afternoon sooooo it’s not like you have anything better to do. I mean, clearly. Because you’re here. Reading this right now. And frankly, this doesn’t speak well of you and how you spend your free-time. But I’m not a judger. I mean, I am. But, never about you. NEVER!

The rules for accepting your award…

1.  Thank the person who sent you the award.
2.  Link back to that person’s blog.
3.  Copy and paste the award to your blog.
4.  Nominate 3-5 other bloggers who inspire you (they need to have less than 200 followers).
5.  Let them know by leaving a comment on their blog.


I’ve found that people these days don’t care about facts. Or who said what. Or where the “information” they’ve quoted comes from.

Just so long as the word vomit regurgitates their own beliefs back to them they’re perfectly willing to pass it on ad nauseum (that’s a lot of vomit for one sentence. FYI.).

I long for days of meaningful political discourse; where intelligent conversations were had without one party devolving into name-calling or abject reliance on MSNBC or FOX News.

When did doubt become a bad thing? Why is a change of heart and mind something to be vilified rather than celebrated?

An open mind isn’t a bad thing. It’s something to be celebrated. It means we are capable of change, of reinvention…capable of outside-the-box solutions to problems that eluded our forefathers.

The thought of a stagnant society for the sake of walking the beaten path is a society that is dead before it’s laced its proverbial shoes.

I’ll pass on that one. Thanks.