Category: Facebook


A Haiku for You


Erica is great.

But she is not on Facebook.

Fail, Erica, fail.

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I was defriended by someone on Facebook last night.

I am now in torment to know who this lost soul is. Who found my Facebook status updates boring (or more likely, offensive) enough to stop being my friend? I probably used the term “baby jesus” too much (and without capitalizing it no less) and offended someone who goes to church three days a week. Which, now that I think about it…is probably OK and, frankly, for the best. I’d hate to see someone in Hell who got there just for reading my status updates. That would suck for them.

But if anyone wants to be my friend, let me know. I am now taking on ONE MORE FRIEND. Cause it’d put me back at 400 and the OCD in me loves a round number. It’s an onerous task though. You have to like all my status updates and engage in witty repartee that makes me seem delightful to others. In return, I will write you a personalized haiku. Persons with whom I am already friends don’t count. So don’t go trying to defriend me then refriend me. I WILL KNOW.

OK, I probably won’t know, but it’d be super mean.

 

**EDIT**

I lost ANOTHER friend – am now down to only 398 and my self-esteem is circling the drain. Which is right where it was before the mass exodus started. Soooo, really nothing has changed except I’m now accepting applications for two new friends. Same terms apply. Leave me a comment if you’d like to be considered for this esteemed position. Seriously. Tell your friends and neighbors. THIS IS HUGE.

 


But I had to share because while watching it I was cackling at my desk.

Favorite part?  “On a serious note…don’t beat your kids.”


On particularly bad days I like to imagine twirling on the steps of my office building like this:

And then I feel better.

But not really.

Edit:  When you say, “Look at all the fucks I give.”  You have to do so in an accent.  I’ll leave WHICH accent up to you, but it just sounds (in my head) so much better with one.  Ya heard?

FML


Snooki is a best-selling author.  Meanwhile, I’m fairly certain this chick couldn’t find a grammatically complete sentence with two hands and a flashlight.

If this isn’t a sign of the Apocalypse, I’m not sure what is.  Not to mention, I don’t think I want to live in a world where a glorified EWOK can be a best-selling author.

Defenestration is sounding better and better today.  Jeebus.


I think it speaks volumes about me that mine are coming in relation to booze.  Anyway, I must give a shout out to Maker’s Mark for linking to my blog on its FB page!  I’ve gotten over 1000 hits today, well over the usual 30.  Makes me feel like a winner; though I’m sure this “fame” will be short-lived and in days (if not hours) my blog will float back into oblivion.

I’ll try not to defenestrate after the “newness” wears off and I’m alone again out here.  Like a dog.

Jorts. It’s What’s for Dinner


This lovely gent was caught at Robert’s Bar and Liquor Store (which, incidentally, is NOT a liquor store).  Welcome to NOLA bitches.


Since I’m late to the blogging game I figured I’d occasionally share some of my most beloved Facebook posts.  I’ll try to restrict the duplicates to the ones I feel were funny enough to stand the test of time.  If for some reason you disagree, you can suck it.